There's no shame in having Dominoes on speed dial. But next time you've got the rumblies that only mono sodium glutamate can satisfy, you might want to heed these warnings.
1. Petrol Station Slurpees
You know what's hard to clean? The inside of a machine filled with frozen sugar. Take from that what you will.
2. KFC BBQ Sandwiches
Mmm pulled chicken. Firstly, not really a thing. Chicken isn't a meat that lends itself to pulling - it's not fatty and stringly like pork. So it's soaked in a highly sugary juice and left for a while. Then, hey look, pulled chicken.
3. Einstein Bro.'s Eggs
Don't order anything containing eggs from a fast food joint, to be honest. For starters, they're not actually eggs, they're powdered and reconstituted. Although given the fact they've been sitting around for hours, that's probably a good thing.
4. Chipotle Quesarito
Only order this if it's 4am and you're the only loser in the place. Otherwise you'll be getting your delicious congealed cheese, mayo and bean wrap with an extra-tasty side order of loathing. It's complicated to make. Don't do that to the staff.
5. Wendy's Chilli
The meat used in the chilli comes from the old dry meat that is hacked off the grill and put into a warming draw (yep, like a sock drawer, we're guessing, but ... more moist) until there's enough there to make a batch of chilli. It's then put in the freezer and defrosted the next day - yum.
6. Taco John's Beans
Reconsituted beans with water added to them to stop them drying out. That's what you've got here. Mmm gassy.
7. Dunkin' Donuts Doughnuts
They turn up frozen in the back of trucks then they're reheated. Sorry to destroy the magic.
8. Panera Pasta
You know all those fresh ingredients used at Panera? Yeah, all frozen. Sorry.
9. Taco Bell Steak and Beans
The staff at Taco Bell 'make' the beans by adding water and stirring. And if the steak is left out for too long it ... well, kinda melts. Yeah.
10. Starbucks' Secret Menu
A secret in Starbucks obviously isn't a secret. What it is, is a coffee thrown together by an annoyed barista whose tips are funneled straight back into the company. Just order a latte, dude.
11. Movie Theater Popcorn
The popcorn you buy in the morning is the leftovers from the night before. Yum, stale. But then again, who goes to the movies in the morning, right? So it must be leftovers from leftovers, even better!
12. McDonalds Chicken Nuggets
You get a choice. Ask for them to be cooked fresh, annoy all the staff and hold up the queue, or eat chicken nuggets that have been slowly shriveling on a hot plate for hours. Your call.
13. Baseball Stadium Hot Dogs
The hot dogs are stored in water. The ones that don't sell are taken out and thrown back in the fridge for the next day. There probably isn't much real meat in them either. You decide if that makes it better or worse.
14. McDonalds McCafe
This isn't a fancy coffee bar in the trendy part of town. This is Maccy D's. Then again, if you're expecting barista standard coffee from McDonald's you probably have bigger issues.